So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
