After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
