I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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