Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
