Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
