I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
