I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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