ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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