I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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