I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
