Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
