he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
