her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize