I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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