whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
what day is it and did you see me today?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
