she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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