This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
it was like eating out sand paper
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
