i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
