She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
