TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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