He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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