my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
