So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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