Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
