Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Everyone says I win the strip club
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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