I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
