Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
