Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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