Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
