We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i came on her dog
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
