Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
