oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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