Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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