No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize