this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
