Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
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