the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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