i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
