i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
