he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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