I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
