ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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