So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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