my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
