3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
