well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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