I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
