I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Randomize
