roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
i now understand why vodka
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
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