I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
