how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
