Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
