why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
