i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
