Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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