um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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