My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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