You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Your penis caused this!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
