My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
