i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
the condom got lost in my hair
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
