U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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