Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize