Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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