oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
