It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
