get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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