I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
