Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
