He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
