battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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