You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize